I have recently read a book that has changed me and my life.

Throughout my life—

                At times I have felt rejected

                At times I have felt I was never good enough, that I was basically a failure

                At times I have felt that I needed to be perfect to be loved

                At times I have felt fearful, concerned about what others thought of me, and sought to please others

                At times I have felt judged and condemned and have been judgmental and condemning as a result

                At times I have felt unloved, dishonored, or disrespected.

I did not really remember or possibly even know who I am.

I did not really know my Heavenly Father . I relied on knowing a lot about Him.

This book was a great awakening for me—today it’s called a paradigm shift (grin)

I have been set free and I am learning how to fly. I am knowing the Father, my Father in a new way. I am more in love with Him and my Savior/brother/friend Yeshua than ever before and I am more reliant on the Holy Spirit. I am learning to love them better and because of this, to love myself and others better—seeing with new eyes and understanding with a deeper heart.

I have always wanted to do what I do to help others and I still do. I have always loved others  but now I have lost the sense of pressure and am coming into more peace, joy, and strength, not in and of myself, but from the Father. I am more aware of Christ dwelling in me and see Him more clearly in you.

So often as wives and moms, we go from frazzle to frazzle. Feeling frustrated, impatient, unvalued, and running on empty. We rush into our day and fall into bed hours later wondering where the day went. We want to be loving to our family but so often we just snap back at them out of fatigue and a tank empty of love. It doesn’t have to be this way.

I have always tried to be diligent about having a Quiet Time. Now I am simply seeking to start my day happy in the Lord—filled with His peace, His joy, His power, and His love. Where my tank may run dry, my Father is a never ending source of all I need and I am complete in Him. If I will take what time it takes to come to this place I will be more able to be peace, joy, and love in the middle of each situation in my day. I am learning that I am loved by the Father and sustained by the Son who experienced more rejection in His 33 years than I have in my almost 68. I am complete in Him and that means complete. As I line up with the Father I am less concerned about being dishonored. I am less angry. I am less frustrated. I have more joy and peace, I am better able to love God, myself and others. I can see through the Father’s eyes. I see others who are loved by the Father who may be blind to that love and I feel freed to give His love to them.

I am finding myself a little at a loss for words (despite what I have written to this point) I am floored by our amazing God and am trusting Him in a completely new way as I go through changes. You have been so good to have patience with me as I walked through Roy’s illness, death, and dealing with the loss. I ask for just a little more. I love you.

Mary

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